Dont blame me for not updating, I did but Blogger's showing me attitude which simply rejects my entries after numerous attempts of posting. Here I am, moodless and lazy to repost. here's another one. See if it works.

School had been courteous to be by giving me dark rings under my eyes. Been drawing and drawing whole day Everyday and my head's Bursting due to the lack of SLEEP.

But I thank god for what keeps me going on.
Kickboxing - 3 Times a week which gives me an excuse to shed some calories and Not gaining anymore weight ( thats unless I DONT overeat. See? Slimming pills, slimming centres, Scram off from my healthy lifestyle.)
Of course, my friends and buddies in BQD, awesome load of irritating peeps and scandals (: Yea I love them to bits and pieces ((: Its amazing how warm and cozy this "family" here gets you know.

My classmates, the reason that drives me to school other than the DIPLOMA (which shines at a faraway distance of 3 years later).

This Blog RIGHT HERE is growing webs I know, IM SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING AFTER A GAZILLION YEARS ALRIGHT. pffffft.

you know, now im digging my old journal out from the garage to continue writing. For this place is no longer AS confidential as before and my MSN space is discovered. There are many reasons why I still blog.

Like everyone, I have my life and I decided to put it down right HERE so that when time comes, I dont have to blow any dust away or view YELLOW flithy papers from old diaries, instead, just a few clicks on the buttons can get me into the time and space that I want.
And unlike those random postings of quotes from miscellaneous or self-pinned thoughts, I rather jot the emotions of my current feelings down to remind me of my mistakes and mistakenly to be recognised as an EMO FREAK, which I think I am starting to become to.

Can I reveal now that I am indeed feeling very negative on current and Im in the midst of breaking down AGAIN?

Its not like me to hide and cry in one corner just because that particular person made me upset, or how life had been so cruel to me that I just had to find a way to relieve myself.

O how I wish I can be like those typical "kawaii-nehxx big round eye balled teenage I-NEED-LOVE" kind of girls, then I can start to Photoshop tears/stars/HARTS(hearts in case you DONT KNOW.) on my photograph (with the camera angel CLOSED-UP and aimed down), and then I can edit the colours as well and then make it seem like the pictures' cracking kinda thing and then put in these typical well-used phrase like "OOo how euu breakiee muhh hartt...i lurbbe euu" at one random corner.
Yes yes.

I apologize for any reading difficulty on the above paragraph.


You see, theres no way for me to express myself verbally to show you HOW DISAPPOINTED I AM IN YOU when I am sober. And since I am always Sober (because I dont fucking drink, god dammit!), I prefer to express myself in words and that writing is also well known to be my therapist.

So dont ask me WHY am i feeling this shit and that shit anymore because You know I wont say, unless I really lose my sanity thats it.

I thought you understood from the the email you sent me few days back. All those tedious typing and thinking, o wow, touched me and I thought YOU know what the hell is the problem.
No.
You didnt get it afterall.

Im not trying to be a bitch here and order you around to satisfy me. (dont you get the god damn idea.) All I wanted was to show me a LEAST BIT that you cared.

You kept doing things that I hated like how you've been wearing cap for ALMOST THE WHOLE MONTH and you jolly well know I hated it. Its not like I never told you before and its not like I dont allow you to.
But for 1 tiny sake of this relationship, Will you ever put in the least effort to round things up a lil bit?? Like maybe you could wake up earlier to do your hair or something. Im not asking you to QUIT wearing caps, I just seeking for maybe 1 or 2 days without it, at least show me some effort that you take my words seriously and to cheer me up.

The problem is YOU DIDNT CARE. at all. not for one tiny bit.
Even when Im out with you, I dont even feel like you are anywhere Near me although you are.
What is it actually?
Am I just there for nothing?

Dont you ever know the meaning of Underappreciated??

You know, I dont have to go on like this, I have many paths to cross and routes to choose.
Get what I mean.

Blogged @ Thursday, November 23, 2006