♥ Tuesday, January 17, 2006
upside down tues.
17January. Tuesday.Got up early this morning, swam a few laps to tone myself and to regulate my heartbeat, I've been very pale recently, not because Im fair (ok, I'm quite fair.) but i just feel....exceptionally breathless... Did a test with myself this morning. My record was diving into the pool right to the ground and swim from one end to another without losing my breath. This time, i can only whole till 3/4 before I turned totally pale. What the??Yeah.. so after swimming, I went to shower and napped inside (as usual). Dressed up and I headed down to the library and then pick Elizabeth from school.Was inside reading Catherine Alliott's book as usual. I'm simply addicted to her novals, read 3 of her books already.Old Girls Network.Gone Too Far.Wedding Day.
I must say, the books are really thick but I seemed to absorb them in all completely within 3days. (thats because I have totally nothing to do and I read about 8hours a day, alone in the room..) Catherine is a really good Author, very nice expressions used, taught me alot of stuffs, gave me humour, made me smile when reading it even. I haven really smile for a long time except for the cameras. I haven talk much for a month, there's even days when I barely open my mouth at all. Thats how I live through my solemnity.Anyway. Elizabeth was NO-ed by aunt, so yep, didnt meet her afterall. So I just read in the library... got this terrible migraine again. rested with my head down on the table to rest.While resting... Some strange images flicked on-and-off inside my head... they were...strangely...black and white images of... of...my..my friends... I teared in the library immediately...(some people thought I was crazy...damn them.)I wondered why I have such weird stuffs inside my head.. Then I heard voices... they were laughters..familiar laughers.. Me and claudia...claudia, zhiyan and me.. the threesome..OurLaughters.. My heart stopped awhile. I cant take it anymore, I will start sobbing in the Library, God. I ran to the toilet and ...For awhile, I thought of hiding myself at home... I don't know why, My hands just grab hold of my own N70. and asked them out for lunch. I dont know what made me click the SEND button. WTH am I thinking?? (Lichuen, hell you go.)I guessed... and I knew at that time... Jesus was there. He haven given up on me although I gave up on him. I sensed him and I felt him hypnotising me. Is it true? I dont know. My mind was in a whirl then. I felt embarked. Very furious with what I've done, asked them out. *I was very late.... spent too much time embarressing my soul and skin in the restroom inside the library... Clearing up my own mess. I reached kovan at 2.Met them, Wanxin, Claudia, Zhiyan and Mark. Good to see them, but I just feel awkward and strange with them... Everythings' changed. I haven spoken for a long time, I dont know what to say to them, clueless about everything. Heartland mall brought me the homie sensation, I haven been there a long while, but I used to visit there very very often in the past. Everything feels out of place. Suddenly... I'm just so.. so afriad, so lost in my own tracks.shopped awhile there... Bought a necklace fo mom, I found it nice and I imagined mom in it, looks great, suits her well... so there. Purchased it without hesitation. Gt some clips and bands as well...just felt like replenishing myself out of the sudden.. Must be a post effect of not spending for sucha long time.I must admit. I haven been myself lately, the whole month.Sigh.Left them. Got up with mom, to the doctors and then visit Gran. I love her.Now scheduling my time with my shopping ventures and open house visits. Busy. For the first time.
Blogged @ Tuesday, January 17, 2006
