♥ Sunday, September 25, 2005
how am i going to live??
Focus on the PEN !! ahahas... this is the pen that I've wrote about in my previous entry. nice mah??.Got the worst Saturday ever in my whole life... hardly spoke or anything... made mom angry in the morning and i was undergoing such depression that I didn't want to go for cell group.. Last week i was like so miserable already... blame myself... I didn't have the mood to have fun.. esp. since everyones' home... So... to avoid being interogated on where I'm going so on.. I was locked at home.. very very lonely and disconsolated. Was in Bro's room the whole time doing TYS for emaths. I was so low-spirited that I got up and brought in a few pieces of my magazines... began cutting them and did some Vandalism on my Bro's plywood noticeboard. Rejected numerous calls (house phone) and off my hp the whole day... was so down-casted that i didnt want to talk.. Drown myself in my studies and sleep.. Life really stinks for me.
I cant go church anymore... There's no point in me going Cg either... I need some ressurections and direction. I don't know what to do in my life. No point in me being somber at this period in time, 6 weeks more to my life-time examination. Cant afford to lose Time. Precious at every moment.
Anyway.. Today was relatively much better than yesterday (sat), got up early in the morning for tuition. After tuition I headed back to grandpa's place, did some journal writing again than not long later mom called. Say help dad buy Pratas then pick us from the Prata stall there later on.
Went for Lunch then did shopping. Had a great time with my brothers today, been playing and lame-ing about the whole day, the trolley was so full. Anyway, I've got WEETOS!! yay^^ than i got myself the new Dove shampoo and conditioner, I have got to try it! xDD
We made a bet on how much today's damage will be.
Da-ge said $200.
Er-ge said $250
I said $300.
whoa. and I WON! was like making a nuisance lor... every all staring at our overflowing trolley...ahahas... that $300 damage can only last us for 3 weeks the most!! wakakax... LOL. atrocious Tay family.
Today had been great. Spent quality and happy moments with them. Dad said next Sun go Jalan Kayu makan =) yay^^ Sighh...see... how can i go church like that.. Every Sunday I confirm cannot derh. Its Family Day.. get the point??
Im so stuck in a dilemma. What should I do. After O's, I'll spread my wings and find freedom lerh. Qiuping Msged me today, told me I'm still in N127. I wonder who same group with me.
Its really sad.. I mean.. I Love them, My whole CG. Its hard to let them go. But at the same time, I dont even like... interact with them at all.. cos' Im too anti-social. I feel like dying, cos' no one understands my pain and the torment I'm going through each day.
Blogged @ Sunday, September 25, 2005
